2 More Hours to 2012

In 2 more hours, it will be the start of a new year....the last few years have been a lot of ups and downs for me...but in 2012.....in 2012, I will officially be a divorcee (i still cringe whenever I say that out aloud)....in 2012, I am going to buy my very first home on my own....while it's all exciting, honestly, it is more scary than exciting....I am going to be 35 in 2012....divorced, broke, fat (well okay...technically, in canada, I am not seen as Fat but I feel Fat okay), emotionally needy...

it's pretty ironic....while I have always known that I have learnt a lot from my divorce and that I am strong enough to weather any storms that come my way, I am also a lot weaker than I think I am....on the surface, it feels as if I am alright....but the truth is I have always been insecure and this divorce has brought all my insecurities all up to the surface again....I feel once again like the insecure girl in secondary school everyone dislikes....as a result, I settle for poor behavior in men...I am an emo wreck underneath that calm happy surface...but i know I will get past this....everyone does...life doesn't stop when your life sucks...when your dad dies...when your hubby tells you he wants a separation...life moves on...and so will I....and the new year will bring new beginnings, new opened doors and new things for me to be grateful about.....fuck you, my insecurities!!! you are not ruling my life....i am not going to write sad poems about you...cos y9ou fucking dun deserve it.,...go find someone else to play with cos you ain't coming into my life....

Happy New Year everyone :-) I love me for exactly who I am